As I write this article, it is 6:00 a.m., and I am sitting in a guest house on the coast of Kenya. For the first time in six years our family has come together from our different corners of the world for a holiday.  Here I am grandmama, and mama!  Two names that I adore! Each moment with my family is precious.

The house is quiet, so I go outside to listen to the rooster’s crow and watch the sunrise from the East. Here, I am enjoying my favourite things to do: read, journal and pray!

In today's journal entry, I recount memories: things I felt I did right as a parent and things I wish I had known when my children were young.

When my son was born, I never wanted him to leave my side. I wanted to protect him from experiencing any hurt and pain. I remember a time when the doctor attempted to take his bloodwork. I winced in sympathetic pain, wishing that I could bear the suffering on his behalf.

A year later, we welcomed our first daughter into our family. She had two huge blue eyes, and we all fell in love with her. I soon found out that having one child feels like one, but having two feels like ten.  Despite my best efforts to protect her, we found ourselves in the hospital for eight surgeries on her ears, stitches and a broken bone. I’m sure my heart stopped the day I saw her stroller careen down the driveway and cross a busy road.  I am so grateful that although I was not able to protect her, an angel protected her on my behalf.

We finished off our family with a third child. She brought so much joy into our lives, but she too, suffered more trauma than any momma wants their child to bear. When she arrived, we knew then our quiver was full. 

As young parents, we did many things right. We taught our children:

1. to pray!
2. to believe in God!
3. to be lifelong learners.
4. to serve others and to give of themselves.
5. to love diversity, people, and food.
6. to be respectful to adults.
7. to be strong and courageous.
8. to stand up for the oppressed.
9. not to talk to strangers but to seek out help from another parent or a police officer.
10. a secret family phrase. (When there was a family emergency, I had to share the secret family phrase with a neighbour, who we asked to pick up the children from school.)

But, we  could not protect our children from all harm as much as we tried.

There are things that I now wish we had done differently and things that I wish we had known… 

1. I wish I had prayed more for my children.
2. I wish I had been more patient and kind!
3. I wish I had pursued not only being their parent but also a friend.
4. I wish I had talked less and listened more!
5. I wish I had taught them more about consent.
6. I wish I had known that friends, family, teachers, and peers could be as dangerous as strangers.
7. I wish I had known the indicators of abuse and could recognize them.
8. I wish I had known more about anxiety and mental illness.
9. I wish I had known the questions to ask when entrusting my children to the care of others.
10. I wish I had told them how beautiful and very special they are more often.

These are things that I also wish for my grandchildren. Thankfully, I think they are one step ahead of me. My daughters have taught my granddaughter a precious little song by Mother Moon. They sing it with her often.

I love my body from my head to my toes

I love my face, my eyes, my mouth, my nose

I love the way I look when I look in the mirror

I stand a little closer just to see a little clearer.

Who is that? It’s me

And I am looking good as good can be

So, what do I say?

I tell myself, I love me every day

Papa God made me, and he doesn’t make mistakes, no sir’e

*My daughter added this line.

Children are so precious, children matter. May our actions and choices make a difference in their lives.

Author: Melodie Bissell, D.Min.